Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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