Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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