You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize