ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
