Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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