My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
