I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
