I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
