I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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