Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want to be your penis for a week.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
