just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
