well you can't waste a boner
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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