it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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