Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
