Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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