so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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