put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
