i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
