It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
