I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
