sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize