doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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