I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
