did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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