did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
