I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
