Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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