clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just gargled with NyQuil
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
