You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
