In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
