you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
