And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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