I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
