You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Text me some of your sweat
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
