She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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