Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
