I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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