Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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