could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I looked at my own cervix.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
