I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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