We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
