SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
