I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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