Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
