No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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