I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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