im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i believe in u and ur pee
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
