I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
