You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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