In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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