at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
