Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
