can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
