listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
