The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
