I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
