so that wasnt chicken after all
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize