Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
