he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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