so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
