Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
