So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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