at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
