I wish you could order shots online.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
