I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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