Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
