I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
