I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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