it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
