Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He shit in the fireplace
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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