if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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