Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
