Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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